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Early Morning Silence

The best part of 6 a.m. is that, except for the dog, I generally have the house to myself.

I’m not a naturally linear thinker. My mind tends to go all over the place, and I’m wired for sound. Any possible auditory distraction has the potential to send me off track. It’s part of why I like music – it combines sounds into purposeful direction, and often in community. But being easily distractible and non-linear, it’s tough for me to get organized to successfully accomplish what needs to be done in a day.

So I’ve come to love those early mornings when everyone else is asleep. I can look over my tasks, assemble a list, and also just drink my coffee and watch the sun rise (depending on the time of year, of course). Nurturing positive thoughts and generally getting into a productive mindset for the day is part of it too.

When I wrote the song Early Morning Silence, I wanted to express all of that, because if such a time is precious to me I thought there must be others somewhere in the world who might be able to relate. Just expressing the ideas in words, though, seemed wrong. I didn’t want the song itself to function as an intrusion on someone’s thinking time because of an excessive and unnecessary repetition of lyrics.

So even though whistling is a really unusual accompaniment to songs in our time, I decided that whistling the melody to accompany the chords the second time through would function as a non-verbal portion of time that represents a kind of purposeful wordless background that a person could just think their own thoughts to.

Speaking of lyrics, here they are;

Early Morning Silence

Wishing I could gather
this early morning silence –
save it for sometime later
in the day –

When everything around me
is full of sound and fury, need
a space in my mind
to make noise go away.

And I would just remember
all the time we’ve spent together
so even in the moments you’re not near…
all the love and warmth of those thoughts would close around me
like a blanket guards from coldness and fear.

As the sun rises
and the world begins to wake,
my soul energizes –
I will do what it takes.

But as I take my place,
I’ll bring along a little space
that the early morning silence gave.

But as I take my place,
I’ll bring along a little space
that the early morning silence gave.

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Meet Again (My Old Friend)

Reconnecting with old friends over social media is exciting. And kind of nerve-wracking.

Because we all change over time. We encounter various challenges that confront and perhaps alter our assumptions about what life is and how to live it. Perhaps we understand each other more… and perhaps we move apart.

Still, for me, I feel a need to integrate my past with my present and my future hopes. So I reach out to people I once knew, try to establish conversation with them again.

It’s about remembering good times, or about being grateful for important influences in my life, or about making amends – or any combination of those, and more. Sometimes that results in a real world meeting.

When I was a kid, it seemed like many friendships came about by chance or by parental influence, or around common connections like school. It’s not like kids get to choose a lot about their lives. So reconnecting with childhood friends, particularly, carried a certain level of nervous anticipation for me.

Once I got together with those friends, though, it became apparent that it wasn’t just chance that drew us together in the first place. Although shared experiences definitely help to forge relationship, maybe kids could have a better handle on the intangibles of friendship than adults do. Kid have fewer preconceived notions of what a good friendship should look like, so maybe they can be better at recognizing -on an intuitive level- when it’s happening.

Even though I don’t always occupy the same space on the political spectrum as all my longtime friends, and other aspects of our lives and notions don’t align, I’ve found that renewing those acquaintances has flowed into more natural interactions than I had hoped for. And that has been great.

Here are the lyrics for my song Meet Again (My Old Friend)

There’ll be a little bit of ‘Hallelujah’,
And a whole lotta ‘Remember when…?’
But will we wonder, ‘What’s it to ya?’
When we meet again, my old friend?

Will we feel the need for some ‘I’m Sorry’s,
Or has the river washed ’em ’round the bend?
Is there precious mettle still in those quarries,
When we met together my old friend?

And I know… there’ll be holding on, and letting go.
There’ll be letting things run with the flow.
And a bit of ‘You old so and so…’
– Then listening about the things we didn’t know.

And so… as we’ve traveled these years apart,
There have been moments that have brought you to mind.
And those memories we made long ago
Have become a kind of guide.

I think that is what tugged my heart
And made me really want to find
The person that I used to know.
I feel no need to hide.
I feel no need to hide.

So I’m glad that we have reconnected.
And I think that we’ll find in the end –
Once everything has been dissected –
It’s been good to see you, my old friend.
It’s been good to see you, my old friend.

There’s been a little bit of hallelujah
And a whole lotta “Remember when…?”
So I’m glad that we have reconnected.
It’s been good to see you my old friend –
It’s been good to see you my old friend.

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Coloured Ribbon

The recent enormous and early dump of snow on my part of the world turned my thoughts to Christmas, our big midwinter celebration that often is set among snowdrifts where I live. Christmas includes the tradition of giving and receiving presents, often presented in boxes that are wrapped in colourful patterned paper and tied up with ribbons. Stores in malls will often have volunteers or even pay employees to professionally gift-wrap packages according to a high standard, for the many people who are pressed for time and want to save themselves the work of wrapping presents themselves.

Pretty packages, presented to a high standard, are eye-catching and pleasant. Difficulties arise when we attach standardized packaging ideas to the people we see around us, making assumptions about who people are or should be according to our own preconceived notions.

I wrote the song Coloured Ribbon a long time ago. Originally, the only meaning of the song was that – generally – we are all unique individuals who express ourselves according to our own particular characteristics and concerns, and that differences among us should be respected and appreciated rather than have people be compelled to assume a false conformity. In particular, my perception was that my community valued a very stoic approach to life, not wanting to express too much joy or too great a sense of sadness, in favour of being seen as rational and clever rather than ’emotional’. I felt this as a limitation, although it did influence my behaviour and self-expression.

The ‘if I am warped, then we can weave’ part of the song refers to the different directions of thread crossing in a woven cloth or tapestry, the ‘warp’ and the ‘woof’. The reference to ‘make our designs’ alludes obliquely to a fascination I had with kaleidoscopes as a kid – how bits of coloured glass/plastic could fall randomly within a container having many reflective surfaces, and you could come up with a beautiful pattern no matter how you shifted the viewfinder. Although form and structure in a society can give shape and security to our lives, I believe that we can allow form and structure to emerge from the interrelationships of diverse peoples as they meet and adjust to one another, to a far greater extent than we seem inclined to do.

The expression ‘fit to be tied’, in English, means that a person is so surprised that they can’t move, think, or speak. The song uses it in a different way – the word ‘fit’ also means ‘suitable for’, and within the song the phrase means that I don’t believe people should be restricted by the limitations of others to accept diversity or change.

At the time I wrote the song, the ribbon icon wasn’t applied to so many vehicles and other surfaces to indicate support for particular groups of people or causes. The fact that a rainbow ribbon icon now represents the wide spectrum of gender and sexual identities actually enhances the meaning of the central metaphor of the song, though. As important as gender and sexuality is to a person’s identity, we can’t assume a ‘package’ of traits that we apply as a blanket characterization to any particular gender or identity. If we do so, we lose opportunities to perceive and benefit from the rich tapestry of skills, knowledge, and character of each individual who we come across or meet in the course of our lives.

My song ‘Coloured Ribbon’ remains a plea to recognize and appreciate the authentic self of every person, and the inherent richness each individual brings to our tapestry of community, society, country, and all humanity.

Here follow the lyrics;

Coloured Ribbon

There’s a time to laugh,
A time to cry.
I want to live the full spectrum of life.
If you leave me free, I might fit some design –
Just please don’t tie me up with coloured ribbon.

If I am warped, then we can weave.
We make up the fabric of humanity.
If we be free, we can make our designs –
I don’t believe we are fit to be tied.

I don’t know why people need
To make shackles we call ‘normalcy’.
(We) choose others’ boxes, make them bleed,
Squeeze them into moulds so stubbornly.

We make their packages, we tie them tight,
Until so much of them is out of sight.

Oh how many precious gifts we would see
If we would only let them be free.

I want to laugh,
I want to cry.
I want to live the full spectrum of life.
If you leave me free, I might fit some design –
Just please don’t tie me up with coloured ribbon.

If we be free, we we can make our designs.
I don’t believe we are fit to be tied.

Truth is the beauty that we find when we’re real…
So please don’t tie us up with coloured ribbon.
Please don’t tie us up with coloured ribbon.
Please don’t tie us up with coloured ribbon.

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The Circle Is; About Life in Community

I’ve had the privilege of being included in a First-Nations-guided talking circle. Though a talking circle is led through the presence and example of an Elder, it doesn’t have the feel or structure of hierarchy. Since all have the ability to speak and to be heard, a talking circle feels like democracy in action. There’s a built-in sense of community.

Being Mennonite, the idea of community is familiar to me. Community isn’t a monochromatic experience, though. It’s interesting how sometimes community feels natural and nurturing, and other times feels imposed or even excluding. I believe that the strongest communities are those that have lots of room for diversity and even maverick perspectives. Very homogeneous communities that are based on conformity to a narrow set of norms may seem strong, but can they really be adaptable to new situations, or even truly recognize all the factors/individuals that affect/enrich their lives?

I wrote The Circle Is as a way of exploring the attitudes and expectations we bring to community, and also to express some views of what community could be at its best. The metaphor of the circle felt like a good way to hold it together thematically.

Here are the lyrics;

The Circle Is

Some enter the circle like a roundabout,
They come in only looking for a way out.
Others have it spinning like a top
They don’t go anywhere, & they never stop.

Some see the circle as a hurricane,
Where our lives get destroyed by the weather.
Some see the circle as a great big blender
Where everyone gets stirred together.

We see the circle as a safe place,
Where each can look into the eyes of another.

God knows, we’re always walking in lines,
Standing in boxes that go up and down.
Everything is organized
so we can be efficient, So we can get around.

We need a circle, we need a safe space,
Judgement suspended,
Where healing can take place.
We need a circle – we can serve each other –
A place where the juices of our souls can be replaced.

The circle is a bowl that holds
Nourishment for our souls…
…a turbine on a hill that makes the most
Of the power of the wind that blows.

Some enter the circle like a roundabout –
they come in only looking for a way out.

We need a circle, we need a safe space,
Judgement suspended, where healing can take place…
Judgement suspended, where healing
can take place.

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Gonna Spend My Cash

“Why do you buy organic bananas?” asked an older visitor. “They have a peel, so pesticides won’t transfer into what you eat.”

I told him that I had seen a documentary that showed pesticides being sprayed on a banana plantation while workers were picking the bananas, because the corporation that owned the plantation didn’t want to stop the harvest long enough to spray pesticides and interrupt the work. So for me, it wasn’t about the bananas, but about the workers.

“I hear that,” commented our visitor. He then went on to relate that when he was young, picking hops in the Fraser Valley, the company also sprayed pesticides while the hops were being picked.

We try to keep ethical and sustainability issues in mind when we make our purchases. Fair Trade coffee and chocolate are frequent purchases of ours. If you search “Child Labour and Slavery in the Chocolate Industry”, you will come across an article by the ‘Food Empowerment Project’ that gives some details about how the chocolate industry is involved in the worst possible labour conditions in the world in our time.

Yet, we are inconsistent in our efforts, even as far as buying chocolate. Some fair trade and organic goods are only sold in stores that are some distance away from our home, and thus we would have to spend more time, money, and fuel, to go and purchase those goods – which creates an opportunity cost and additional environmental sustainability issues in itself.

Every purchasing decision is on some level a compromise, and there are so many such decisions that have to be made. The individual consumer in our society should not have to bear this burden alone – but our society is insufficiently committed to ethical purchases, production, and environmental sustainability, and mostly just sees it all as a bother, so it seems unlikely that governments will be elected in the near future which will encourage and support change on a broader level. There are powerful corporate and political forces that benefit from the status quo, combined with a societal inertia and malaise, so this is likely to be an ongoing issue.

While I want to continue moving toward an ethical and sustainable lifestyle, I also really do enjoy getting paid. Getting a paycheque provides a bit of a sense of recognition for work accomplished, and I feel that it’s natural to want to celebrate that. There’s a cloud of guilt that lingers over progressives, because of the level of ethical compromise involved in almost every act of every day. Even sitting at this keyboard to type has environmental consequences.

So my song “Gonna Spend My Cash” relates to that internal conflict of feeling joy and wanting to celebrate my remuneration, while at the same time wanting to be a more ethical and sustainable consumer. I haven’t ever heard a song like it, so it needed to be written, in my opinion. Here are the lyrics.

Gonna Spend My Cash

Gonna spend my cash, ‘cuz I got my pay
There’s value in a dollar and that’s okay
Gonna spend my cash, but watch where it goes
Cuz I want it to be love and not blood that flows

I’d be lying if I’d say gonna give it all away
Got a family with dreams and bills to pay
I earn, so I’ll share, but I won’t throw it away
There’s a balance in the balance, and a price to pay

It would be great to get around the degradation
It would be great to get rid of financial oppression
It’s tough to fight a system that I live in
To avoid a depression, but reduce my possession

Gonna spend my cash, ‘cuz I got my pay
There’s value in a dollar and that’s okay
Gonna spend my cash, but watch where it goes
Cuz I want it to be love and not blood that flows
Cuz I want it to be love and not blood that flows

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I Just Want To Be With You All The Time

When a whole writhing bundle of what you have always deeply felt and hoped finds a connection and expression with another human being – that’s what we like to label ‘love’.

The thing about labels, is that they change the experience. When we slap them on, there’s a “whew, now that’s explained!” sensation that comes with them. But the labels themselves arrive with a set of somewhat unacknowledged expectations – some of those are about experiences, and some are about commitments, and a whole narrative gets touched off by the simple application of a word.

I wanted to write a song about the early beginnings of making an authentic, deep connection with another person, without resorting to using the word ‘love’.

And I wanted to take it further from there – without leaving it at some gratuitous bit of lust, but also without assumptions of picket fences and Parent Council meetings lingering in the air. I wanted it to be a song about a living, purposeful, adaptive, engaged relationship with a transformative beginning.

Because while such relationships may include emotional and physical intensities, and maybe even picket fences and Parent Council meetings at some point, the point is that such a connection can be open and adaptable and not just locked into a set of tracks that sets off interminably into the horizon. A relationship can be transformative on an ongoing (although not linear and constant) basis.

The difference between being in love with a person – and not just one fixed idea of who a person is and what a relationship means – is that people change, and relationships can also change, and that can be good. A loving relationship can develop and evolve and still be love.

I wanted this song to put “seize the day” together with “live in the moment”. I wanted it to be mindfulness with enthusiasm, in the context of a relationship. I didn’t want it to be limited to a “we’ve got tonight” kind of song, but I also wanted didn’t want it to be limited to a “we were built to last” kind of song – because buildings tend to be sort of static and fixed and unchanging.

The idea of ‘living in the moment’ doesn’t just mean ‘taking the opportunity’ – it means to be fully engaged emotionally and intellectually engaged, as far as possible, with whatever kind of experience you are having in the now. Existentialism is about really acknowledging what’s going on with how you and others exist in context in each moment, and making your moments meaningful – because within us, we don’t measure life in minutes or hours or days or years, but in those meaningful moments. The more moments that we really live, the fuller our lives are. We can cram quite a bit of living into our days if we approach them in that way, and especially if we do so together.

Anyway, to whatever extent all those hopes for the song were successful, here are the lyrics;

I Just Want To Be With You All The Time

I just want to be with you all the time
I only want to be with you all the time
I want to be beside you, and with you in mind
I want to be all with you, all the time

Forever is a long time
and I must admit
I don’t have the kind of mind
that can conceive of it

But this moment has transformed
both the present and the past
The future would be better too
if we could make this last

I just want to be with you
all the time
I only want to be with you
all the time
I want to be beside you
and with you in mind
I want to be all with you
all the time

I want to be all with you
I want to be all with you
I want to be all with you
All the time
All the time
All the time

I just want to be with you
all the time
I only want to be with you
all the time
I want to be beside you
and with you in mind
I want to be all with you
all the time

I want to be all with you
all the time

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