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Living With a Non-Linear Mind, Part 2; Empowered by Structure

At school, I wasn’t a great student. I wasn’t a bad student either, but filling in worksheets or doing math problems to demonstrate my ability to get the right answer was not at all motivating for me. I didn’t even care very much about my marks. We had a grammar fill-in-the-blank booklet to fill out in grade 10, and I treated it like ‘MadLibs’ – rather than filling in the right answers (which I knew), I wrote in words that amused me. There was a point when I tried to get kicked out of the library for a different reason every day (not vandalism or anything like that – just creative activities that no one else would have thought of, which would nonetheless be equal parts irritating and amusing so that the librarian would ask me to leave).

But I did enjoy being at school, most of the time. I liked school so much that, after high school was over, I went and did another 3 degrees worth of school, one of my degrees having a double major. It wasn’t even about getting a degree most of the time – I just took courses at college and university that I enjoyed.

What I didn’t realize until recently, was that part of what made school such a comfortable place for me was the structure. Classes began and ended at particular times, and I didn’t have to think about where I was going next. Meanwhile, my mind could roam, picking up information that was interesting and fun to work with and ignoring the stuff that didn’t matter to me. It was, really, a pretty self-centered way to go about life.

So that worked for me for a long time. During College and University I worked at summer camps a lot (a place with a lot of scheduled routine). After University, I had a number of driving jobs (schedules pre-made, routes) and other jobs that were either relatively simple or relatively structured, or both. Again, I often relied on external structures or cues for direction.

When I was working at becoming a teacher, things got more complex. Now, I wasn’t just relying on an external structure in order to have a basic direction myself, but I was trying to provide direction in a meaningful way to other people.

I did really well at the written work and research that were part of my studies as a teacher. However, when it came to lesson planning, I failed. In fact, it was only with the Dean’s permission that I was allowed to continue my studies in Education, and with the proviso that I audit a Graduate level course in Instructional Design (a part of the Bachelor of Education program that had been dropped, mostly due to budgetary constraints). That Instructional Design course made a big difference – but the reason it made a big positive difference for me was that the course allowed me to figure out what sort of Instructional Design would work best for me. Essentially, what I was forced to do was to create a process for myself to follow, which would then allow me to create processes and structures that would work for my students. This process had constant self-reflection and assessment built in, so that I could keep working on making it better.

It was only after I’d had to work hard at developing structure for my own thinking that I was able to really experience success in more complex work environments, and to contribute in a significant way to other people’s lives at a level more in line with my potential.

So my conclusion, out of my experience, is that non-linear thinkers need structure in their lives so that they have the sense of security and comfort necessary to do their most significant thinking, rather than just wander around feeling lost most of the time.

As a teacher, I tried to help my students by providing external cues, like written and electronic visual reminders of due dates, checklists and schedules for what needed to happen in their projects, personal reminders and cues to help them get going on their work, group work with specific roles so that students would cue each other, and of course choices (whenever possible) so that they could work on a kind of project or related area that was most interesting to them. Also, I tried to help them develop their own mental structures or processes, so that they would be able to think through doing particular intellectual tasks in a way that worked for each of them. This is not the same as imposing an ‘essay outline’ – something that never worked for me, since I could not say what I was going to write ahead of time – that only emerged after I had done some research and taken some notes.

Of course, my success in doing this for and with my students was mixed, and changed as my level of experience increased. But, ultimately, I had a nearly decade-long teaching career, and I did serve as a co-learning leader for a year of that time.

Now, as a stay-at-home dad, I work at providing a nurturing and catalytic environment for my own children, and that too is a complex vocation. But my children are a lot like me in some ways, and it’s fun to be part of their lives, to see what they are coming up with, and to be part of the empowering structure that allows them the security and freedom to thrive.

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Living With A Non-Linear Mind, Part 1; The Agony and the Ecstasy

I am what you might call a ‘non-linear thinker’, or, if there is a linear to non-linear thinking continuum, I would be relatively far onto the non-linear side. That means that I tend not to think ‘in a straight line’, and have difficulty with processes that are step-by-step sequential in nature. Although this is seen as a creative advantage, in a certain amount of my life experience it has been something of a handicap.

The difficulty I have is that I find it very challenging to think about one thing at a time, or to organize my thoughts in a particular sequential way. When I was a student and teachers would ask me to create an outline for an essay, I felt completely lost. I had no idea how I would organize what I was going to say before I was actually saying it.

Instead, it seems that all sorts of thoughts about many different subjects all rattle around inside my head at the same time. What ends up happening in the meantime is that the important tasks that I need to focus on, and important steps that I have to take, often get forgotten.

It’s not a conscious thing for me. I’m not trying to think about everything at the same time, it just happens. And it’s not even something I can articulate while it is happening. I go through periods of time when I feel kind of lost. If I have something in my hand, I might keep carrying it around wherever I am going while I’m thinking about something else. Or, alternatively, I may put it down wherever I see a space in that moment. For example, I once put the sugar bowl ‘away’ in the microwave. Fortunately nobody turned on the microwave without looking inside.

But this has been a fact of life for me for so long, that I have learned to problem-solve rather quickly at times. When I have forgotten something, or when I forgot to do my homework when I was younger, I have at times been able to find novel solutions to the problem that I inadvertently created. And, sometimes, I find connections between various disparate ideas and events which I likely would not have made if I had gone out deliberately looking for them.

Sometimes all those notions that have been jumbling about in my head like laundry in a washer come together and crystallize into something new and innovative, all at once. When that happens, it’s kind of a buzz- which makes me want for it to happen more, to expect it. And that expectation leads for me to a real sense of dissatisfaction and frustration when I just get back to the lost and confused feeling that I have at other times.

It’s not that the connections I find are necessarily manufactured or contrived (and I do try to check and test them). It is just that life is actually an interconnected whole – not a set of compartmentalized experiences, but an integrated experience which is often perceived as sectioned or disconnected.

Meanwhile, though, it is necessary for me to function. People count on me, as they do on each other, to be reasonably predictable, to show up to events at times when I have made a commitment to be there, and to play my role when I am included in a group plan.

Although I have at times failed to meet my commitments, or even to remember them, for the most part I have learned little ‘life-hacks’ to help me function reasonably well within the context of my family, community, and society. Over the next few weeks, I want to take the opportunity through this blog to tell about how I have learned to deal with my personal weaknesses and build on my strengths. There are other people in the world who experience similar struggles to my own, and my hope is that in my blog over the next few Fridays I can prove to be of assistance in helping them push past their obstacles as well.

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The Importance of Strength Training

Yesterday, the pain in my left knee had me limping along at a snail’s pace, hardly able to accomplish anything. It wasn’t because of a particular recent injury, or anything I did. It was because of what I haven’t been doing so much lately, and got back to doing today; strength training.

Things have changed since my youth. In my youth, my attitude was that pain was merely an obstacle, and that if I put in enough effort and gumption I could accomplish anything. When I played sports, I didn’t play well – but I did play hard. I threw myself around recklessly, without regard for my body or anyone else’s.

That style of ‘play’ did take its toll on my body in the long run, and a few years ago while digging window wells for our house I got to that ‘last straw’ and hurt my back.

For a while there, my back and my knees were so stiff and sore and weak that it slowed me down a lot. Only 1 thing has gotten me moving again, albeit in a somewhat unorthodox manner; strength training.

Check out this article; http://www.nursetogether.com/importance-strength-training . Everything it says is true.

Starting last March, I began strapping on ankle weights and put additional weights in a backpack (wrapped in towels & taped up to avoid bruising my back) while I walked the dog. Over time, I added more weights, additionally putting on wrist weights and eventually strapping a set of ankle weights to my arms as well (the wrist weights that are available are very light). It was like a personal renaissance. I got stronger, and the walk meant a kind of cardio workout for me as well. Granted, it exposed my quirkiness to my neighbourhood, but the benefits to my overall fitness and even clarity of thought outweighed any concerns I might have had about public perception. Additionally, as I got stronger, the pain in my joints diminished. My theory had been, in line with what a physiotherapist once told me, that building up muscle around my joints would hold them in tension and therefore ultimately put less strain/rubbing on the joints, so that my now basically non-existent cartilage didn’t have to be there. It seemed to be working. And as the pain in my joints diminished, I was able to do every task more quickly, having greater flexibility. I could run with my boys a bit, throw a ball around, without difficulty.

In the last few weeks, however, the weather got really cold around here. The ground froze and got slippery. I strapped on the weights on fewer and fewer days, even taking the dog on fewer walks, since the weather added to the difficulty of getting my workout while getting out dog treats for necessary training and while picking up after the dog.

And now, my knee hurts again, a lot. I guess I’ll have to work out separately from walking the dog, and it will take time. But really, I don’t have a choice. It has to be done. In the short term, while I exercise, my knee will still hurt – but it won’t get better unless I work out. (*This is true for my situation; please consult with a doctor regarding your own physical ailments). I either sit around in pain, or I take a bit more time to be healthy and accomplish more in the end.

Numerous studies have recently linked regular exercise to a reduction in the risks for, and enhanced recovery from, symptoms and diseases as varied as stroke, heart disease, cancer, and Alzheimer’s (seriously – google it). Regular exercise also helps reduce the negative effects associated with ADD and other nervous system anomalies. It has been said that exercise is “the closest thing to a superdrug available to us today.”

So based on my past year’s experience, if I am going to make any resolutions for the upcoming new year, they will have to include integrating an appropriate level of exercise into my life. I can’t do my work any better, or support my family’s needs better, if I am unable to move at an optimal level of performance – so regardless of the endeavor, it will all have to start with exercise.

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Parody – What Not To Do At A Company Christmas Party

I saw this headline on my twitter feed, and I thought – wow, think of all the possibilities! But they didn’t. They only thought of things that ordinary people might actually do at a company Christmas party, which might be kind of inappropriate.

Since I dislike such limitations, I decided to come up with my own list, as follows;

1) Do not clip your toenails. Not even if you move the trash can over so that they don’t litter the rug (not that it matters. They pay people to clean up, right?!?)

Look, I know life gets busy, and some important but less top-of-mind tasks get left undone. There’s value in multi-tasking. But it turns out that some things, like clipping toenails in public in front of coworkers and management during events intended for relaxation, provoke disgust and might even be career-limiting. So however tempting it may be, don’t clip your toenails at the company Christmas party. Especially if you haven’t washed your feet for a while due to all that overtime and those tasks you were given just before the unrealistic and unnecessary deadlines.

2) Sometimes the Christmas season is tricky. Your budget has its limits, but you feel the social pressure to give gifts. You want to economize, make use of what you have at hand, show that you are part of the team and want to be an active participant.

Despite all that, though, it turns out that the company Christmas party may actually not require the giving of gifts. And definitely, don’t bring along clippers, don’t prune the artificial trees in the rented banquet hall, and don’t redistribute the artificial fronds to every plate at every table. The effort you went to, I can guarantee, would not be appreciated (although it would be remembered).

3) You want to spread the joy of the season, right? Hey, up here in the Great White North, we have to make the most of the fact that we have seasons, and a little positive attitude can go a long way. Still, bringing wheelbarrows full of snow into the area where you are having your company Christmas party and shoveling it all around the tables is going a bit far. And you might hurt your back, which I’m not sure would be covered by the company health insurance plan in this case. You could look into that.

4) Everyone gets caught up in the festive mood from time to time. Running on stage when the microphone is empty and loudly singing all the seasonal songs you know, unaccompanied by instruments, and doing frequent mid-song key changes, well… the question is, have you ever seen anyone else do that? If so, have you heard applause and appreciative comments from those gathered? If no, maybe resist. Innovation in celebration has its place, but the company Christmas party might not be the place. Maybe when the boss has accepted at least 5 of your other suggestions, you could try this idea.

5) I hope I haven’t discouraged you by this talk of all the restrictions and limitations on company Christmas party behavior. You might be tempted to just keep to yourself, go into your shell. But you feel that your presence is expected, so you feel maybe that you want to create your own bubble, enjoy the party in your own way. That’s not an excuse to bring a large screen and set up a wireless connection so you can watch the hockey, American football, and/or basketball game(s) that you are missing. Turns out that people do want some sort of personal interaction, and chances are the space won’t be set up so that everyone else who is jealous can also watch. Could lead to trouble.

6) Bills stack up around the Christmas season, and you might want to get ahold of some extra money somehow. But the way to do it is not to get a job moonlighting as serving staff for the caterers who are taking care of food for the company Christmas party. Especially if you have a bad cold. Plus, people will approach you with any of their concerns, and try to get the inside scoop on the best piece of dessert, so there would be a chance of perceived favoritism. And do you really want the hassle of all those folks clambering to get you to be the server at their table? I didn’t think so.

So to sum up;
1) No clipping toenails.
2) Don’t snip fronds off the artificial plants and redistribute them as gifts to each place setting.
3) Avoid bringing wheelbarrows full of snow into the banquet hall.
4) Don’t run on stage uninvited and loudly sing all the Christmas songs you know, off key.
5) Bringing a big screen along and watching sports during the party is right out.
6) Don’t moonlight as the catering staff. It might be the only job you have, after the party.

You’re welcome.

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Listening to the Radio

Every day, while dropping off kids here and there for their various activities or buying groceries, I listen to songs on the radio. Lately, I’ve been listening differently, more carefully.

When something about a song captures my attention, even if it’s a song that has lyrics that don’t appeal to me (lyrics are big for me), I try to understand what it is about the elements of the song that gets to me. It might be the arrangement, shifts in rhythm, instruments/sounds used, whatever.

Then, I try to figure out how I could apply those elements in how I write and arrange my music, in order to more effectively present and reinforce the main points of my lyrics.

Because, for me, the lyrics are the point. But in the past, I haven’t paid enough attention to the craft of song writing, appropriately but creatively using changes in arrangement or effectively reinforcing the main point of the song in different ways, bringing up the drama, changing the tone where necessary. That’s going to change. I’m going to do all the work I need to in the background, so that when it comes time to go to the studio the recording part will be as efficient as possible while still being artistic.

I’m not about making songs popular, but I am about making meaningful songs communicate and have a purpose – not necessarily for everybody, but at least for somebody. It will take time, but it will be worth doing, on a personal level. And as I told my students back in the day, “The question is not ‘Is it hard?’, but ‘Is it worth it?’ – and I believe it is.”

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